Last months I've been going through a portal of physical pain. Right in this moment I feel it very intense. So intense It conquer my Being in the now. The pain shows me a lot of answers that has been hiding in my body. I can't run from it nor can I take it away. It is just there teaching me the art of let it be and let shit go. It is a burning journey I am trying to understand.

Still I am thankful for its Grace. "It’s the horrible beauty of the Universe and to realize that there is a wisdom inherent in it, and that wisdom includes suffering and that all suffering is not an error. Until you are resting in a place that understands that, it’s quite presumptuous to think you know best. I have watched in the work I do with people that are dying, where they suffer and suffer and suffer and if I could, as a human emotional heart, I would do everything I could to take away their suffering. It breaks my heart that they’re suffering and I watch as the suffering burns its way until they finally give up because the suffering is so great. I’ve watched as they give up, something emerges in their being that is so beautiful and so radiant and so spiritually innocent, that it’s like they meet a part of their being that has been hidden all their lives. It’s like an egg being cracked open.

It happened with my step-mother, Phyllis, as she was dying we went through a period where she was in pain, and willful and tough. Then it cracked, and the moment it cracked, what came forth was somebody so radiantly beautiful that it blew her mind even, and she and I were just together in this incredible grace right to the end. Now, I looked at that with horror and with beauty. I would have taken away all that suffering if I could, because I really loved her. I didn’t want her to suffer from my human part, and at the same moment, when I looked at her from a spiritual point of view, it was that very suffering which had forced that cracking open, which had brought her being through.

Now, am I to say that suffering stunk, or was it good? The horrible beauty is that suffering is grace and suffering stinks. Until you can stand right in the balance point and see both of those, what are you going to pray for? Do you hear the predicament? Do you hear where you are praying from?

You are essentially saying, “I want it different, because I can’t stand it the way it is.”

Once you see the way it is and just see it fully, you won’t really wish to change it. You may want to understand it, but you won’t want to change it. It’s just the horrible beauty of suffering." - Ram Dass

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